Love & all that other stuff.

I was in love once or maybe twice. Back a long as time ago. He broke my heart about 2 years ago. We’re going to call him JR.

Now, what JR and I had was some real love – at least on my part.  I was 17 and head over high heels in l-o-v-e. I thought he was the best thing to happen to the universe. But, boy I was I wrong. After the 2.5 year relationship went down hill, I’m talking waaaaaaay down hill. I had realized everything I had thought I wanted & known was gone. We we were engaged and had the fairytale life planned out, at least I did. Turns out, he left me for some 18 year old bimbo. So, I had started being 20 years old and going out and partying away (I still do) and didn’t give a damn about nothin’. But that’s when the other major players (key word there) came into my life.

A- We had worked together, and he turned out to be a really good friend after everything. He was one and still is one of my better guy friends. Now I’m not sure when feelings came into play but we’d occasionally hook up during my train wreak year, and recently, that lead to more. Now, I love A with all my heart and I let him in without even knowing, but he lead me on to get what he wanted basically, and well.. He hurt me and didn’t realize. So with JR & A, both under my belt, this girl well, did some things and in Sept 2012 enter J.

I forget how I actually know, J. Friend of a friend perhaps? Bar outings? Oh wait. Both. Anywho.. Enter Sept 2012, where my trainwreck is almost to recovery station with a few more pit stops. J & I started talking, all the time and it was actual conversation it was wonderful. he came home with me one night and we cuddled and made out and I loved it. Then later on in the year it lead to you you guessed it, sex and we had talked about being together and we agreed that with our pasts still hurting us, we shouldn’t date date yet. While, J had a birthday in Jan. Basically BEGGED me to show up, and so I do. It’s all guys. (that I knew thankfully) so I proceed to get drunk and drunker. So the truth comes out.. He looks at me and says, “I’m sorry, but I’m seeing someone & I didn’t know how to tell you”. I bawled for 3 days. Called all my friends from the bar sobbing about what an ass he is. and I haven’t talked to him since. With that being said, my friend wanted me to join an online dating site with her. I agreed and the first day, I had lots of hits and messages and it was a great self confidence boost after J. First day, I started talking to this guy, D. All was good, had SO much in common we talked 24/7. It was insane and like J, it was actual conversations. Telling me how beautiful I am. All that.. then we FaceTime’d and we stopped talking for two weeks, till today where out of the blue, I got a text that said hey :) and then we talked like nothing happened and then he ended the conversation with “I have to go to work now but have a good day [my name here]”. It stung. We used to always talk when he was at work and vice versa. But, we didn’t today. It was like a piece of my recent past had opened and shut a door on my thumb. 

I figured I’d share that story because of the dreaded (for most) Valentines Day is approaching. I thought J & D would be around for sure.. But I was clearly wrong. I wan’t to be in Love again, I do but with all these people hurting me.. I just don’t know.



UPDATE:  So, this post started while I was in Florida trying to detox from everything in my life. It turns out that all my problems (men) followed me there so to speak. D & I ended up talking ALL week where I thought it would be a great idea to get off the plane, go home and drop off my suitcase and go to his house. I mean, I got free beer but well yeah. Stuff happened, we weren’t clear on the terms and eventually stopped talking. Till his birthday on March 8th. I will tell everyone Happy Birthday – that’s just me. Well it’s his birthday 3 am  and tells me to call him. So I do, what’s the harm. Starts off wonderful. and then BAM he tells me he’s seeing someone. Who he has moved in with his girlfriend of less than a month. (Dodged a bullet?)

And J, oh Mister J. Has a girlfriend, but he spots me at a bar before I even see that he’s there. Constantly hugs me. Like everytime I see him. Well okay then. He’s an ongoing battle.

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