I know it’s been a while since I actually posted something in words here and to be honest I was in a phase where I was unhappy – but I didn’t know how unhappy I truly was. I thought it was little things and so if I did this, it would do that etc. I was leaving out of country so I finally got functional licence and then a month later bought a brand new car – which is incredible and I’m thankful I was able to that. Then I thought I was homesick since I lived 3 hours away from my hometown and didn’t drive – it was kind of the reason but still not the reason. Then I went out of the country. Saw some of my best friends and even briefly saw a guy I met through them for a few weeks, but I was so unhappy with myself that I self destructed that relationship because I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do and I caused a toxic circle within myself. I had responsibilities within my job, to my former roommate, financial responsibilities and I’m very much a people pleaser (almost a professional at it) and I hate to disappoint people (another part of the problem). YOU OWE NO ONE ANYTHING. IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY THEN FIX IT. so one thing led to another and I ended up getting an interview at a hotel my best friend worked at. I knew if I ended up getting the job I had a huge decision. I ended up getting the job and I accepted it right away because thats what my gut told me to do. Then I cried. And then cried some more. Then I thought if I did this for me, I’d be disappointing people so its better to work a job with less money and not disappoint. Then I thought, this is actually in my field (one of the many streams) and I’d be a fucking idiot to not take it. So put in my two weeks, moved in with my friend for a month, all my days off were driving 3 hours back and forth bringing all my stuff home in mere day trips and it was absolute madness for a month. Within the two weeks of me packing up my life and moving 4 hours away and storing everything I own in my parents living room till I got an apartment but I felt at peace. Everything started to fall into place.
Here we are almost three months later, two of those months of successfully lived by myself (which, I did for a few months back in 2017 and I loved it). I learned that changing your environment does absolute wonders for your mental health but your physical health as well. I have lost between 15-20 pounds with minimal effort (I did stop eating fast food) and cut my drinking down by 75% at least. I am in a workplace thats super supportive for whatever I need (so was my last job don’t get me wrong). I’m closer to my family. I’m just overall happy. When I see people they tell me I’m glowing. My family says they’ve never seen me so happy and everything else has just fallen into place. I’ve got a solid handle on my future and I’ve got some big things planned and I can not wait.
If you ever feel like your stuck, know life has a way of working itself out. Keep positive and watch what happens.